Opening (Betty, the meals on wheels lady rings the door bell)

(Enter Garfield and Edith)

Edith: Garfield, are you going to answer that?!

Garfield: Oh yeah! And I’m going to open the door with what hand?

(Edith answers the door, Enter Betty)

Betty: Good afternoon. Is someone here with you?

Edith: Of course you idiot Garfield’s right here.

Betty: Who’s Garfield?

Garfield: You know I’m right here. You could try looking down.

Edith: Garfield doesn’t like you at all, missy. So why don’t just leave.

Betty: I’m here to deliver you meal for today.

Garfield: Sure you are, and I’m Santa Claus her to deliver your coal.

Edith: You tell her Garfield!

Betty: Okay then, I’ll just leave your lunch on the table.

(Betty walks towards the table)

Garfield: I’m so sure, that’s why she’s eyeballing your china set.

(Edith steps between Betty and the table)

Edith: You leave that china alone, that’s been in my family for…um…how long has it been Garfield?

Garfield: That’d be 163 years Edith.

Edith: That’s right, Garfield. So you leave them alone you marshmallow, and you need to lay off the brownies, too.

(Betty looks shocked)

Betty: Excuse you, who are you calling a marshmallow?

Garfield: You, chubby.

(Garfield snickers)

Betty: I’ve been doing this for twenty years, and you’re by far the worst customer I’ve ever had.

Garfield: Oh great now you got her started.

(Edith turns to Garfield)

Edith: Oh you shut up you little ingrate.

Betty: Who are you calling an ingrate?! You’re the ungrateful old hag.

Garfield: Hey, you be nice.

Edith: I’ll be nice when this little whelp gets out of my house.

(Edith points to Betty)

Betty: Well that’s just fine but I’ve got a job to do so where do you want me to set your food?

Garfield: Don’t let her near the table, or you’ll never see the family silver again.

Betty: Fine, I’ll just set it on the table then.

(Betty starts towards the table again)

Garfield: I told you she’s after the family silver.

Edith: You stay away from my table you little Whelp.

Garfield: You tell her Edith.

Betty: I’m getting tired of your attitude, you wrinkly old bat.

Edith: Well I’m getting tired of looking at you, so just leave already.

Betty: Then just tell me where to put the food so I can get out of this hell hole.

Garfield: Hey! I happen to like this place.

Edith: Yeah, Garfield’s right you have no right insulting our house.

Garfield: Why don’t you just set the tray on the floor and go back to that heap you call a van?

(Edith turns to Garfield again)

Edith: She can’t set my food on the floor I’ve got to eat that you silly cat.

Betty: Will you stop talking to that stupid cat?!

Edith: Garfield’s just saying we want you out of our house. You have no right calling my friend stupid, you little witch.

Garfield: That’s right just send her away. She probably poisoned the food anyway.

Betty: Then I’m setting this on the table and leaving.

(Betty stalks over to the table)

Garfield: Just keep an eye on her so we can get her to leave.

Edith: Fine, but I’m keeping my eye on you.

Betty: Fine, keep your eyes on me I don’t care.

Edith: Now get out of my house.

Betty: Gladly! Now you have a nice day ma’am.

(Exit Betty)

(End Scene)